This is a month to go down in the record books as one of the worst and best of my life. I have had such an emotional month that I have a hard time believing my heart's still beating.
First, and foremost, I turned 33. That's only 7 years from being 40! haha. Thirty-three!! That number just seems odd to me (I mean, besides the fact that it's an odd number, for all of you smart-asses out there!) It seems ... I don't know. Maybe it seems like this is an age at which I should know what my life is supposed to be about, what I want to do, etc. Yet, that's not the case. I still feel just as lost and floundering as ever. Will that ever change?
Second, I got the official letter last night. I think I was pretty much ready for it, but it still hurt to get it. I did not get accepted in to the Speech Path leveling courses. They only took 10 (I called them yesterday). I was apparently not one of the 10. The official email notice hit my inbox last night around 10:00. Boo! So, now I'm left wondering what my next step is. I still know that I want to help people, help them accomplish something, feel better, etc. I want to make a difference in someone's life. That's all I know. Now I just need to figure out how to do that.
Finally, and most importantly . . . tough subject here. Maybe too tough to talk about. It was the worst moment of my life. It was the best moment of my life. My heart is pounding just thinking about writing about this. However, writing things down can sometimes be cathartic and that is something I need. <deep breath>
My marriage almost crumpled. I allowed my love for my husband to get buried under all of the stresses of life. He, too, allowed his love for me to get hidden behind the curtains. Divorce was imminent. There were things we needed to sort out first, so we both just kept letting ourselves get deeper and deeper in the pit of despair instead of taking the time to sit down and actually talk. Instead of looking each other in the eye and working on it, we just let it all slip away.
And then lightning stuck and thunder boomed, shaking our walls and knocking us to the ground. When we looked up from our collapsed, bruised bodies, we saw what both of us had been overlooking for years. There was that person, the one we fell in love with so many years ago. We were right there the whole time, but we never saw each other through the murky waters. How we kept missing each other, I'll never know, but there we were. Two souls who promised to love each other through thickness and thin, sickness and health, better or worse, until death do we part.
As the tears started to flow and the words came spilling out, we realized that this is the life we still want - the one where we stand, hand in hand, in front of God, declaring our love, honor, and faithfulness to each other and to Him.
It's going to be a rough road and a long journey, but it's one we want to take together. We have learned so much in the last few weeks, both about each other and about ourselves. The most important thing we have learned is that we are able to surprise each other and surprise ourselves with our love and our strength and our ability to forgive.
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." 1 Corinthians 13:13
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
STX2OhMy!
I was standing in a fit of laughter and tears. I look at L's teacher and say, "I'm not sure if I'm laughing or crying right now."
I had gone to pick L up from school, as I do every day. She comes walking out with her classmates and sits on the bench beside me. I stand up to talk to her teacher, inform her about the study that L has entered in to. (She started taking some pills as part of a Fragile X drug trial called STX209.) That's when it all starts . . .
It rained just a little bit this morning, enough to leave small puddles on the sidewalk. I look over and see L jumping around in circles, bounding up in down in a few puddles, with her socks and shoes off. When did she have time to do that!?
I look at her teacher and we both giggle. I look back at L, who has proceeded to walk further down the walk way, and she is pulling her second leg out of her pants.
There's my daughter, standing there in her (oversized, thank goodness) t-shirt and pull-up. No pants. No socks. No shoes. Just bare legs from the hips down.
By this time, tears are running down my face and I am hiding behind a column of bricks because I just can not stop laughing. This is not a time to laugh! That only encourages the behavior. But it's impossible not to, especially for me ;)
One of her teachers is able to bring L back to the porch where she proceeds to attempt to put L's pants back on. L suddenly turns in to a soft pretzel. Legs cross, arms flail like she's made of rubber, body morphs in to a water wigglie, lacking control, even from an outside source. This is about the time I say my quote mentioned above.
It was quite a sight, seeing 3 grown women unable to maneuver this 5 year old child into a position to put on her clothes. She finally gets her pants put back on and takes off down the walk way again. (She's a fast little sucker!)
Since she is not responding to my beckoning, I take off my high heels (what a day to choose to wear a dress and heels, huh? -- yes! I own some!!) and go down to get her. I put my shoes back on and proceed to carry a 39 pound mass of gel that is bent in half, backward, down the steps to my car. How I didn't fall and/or break a heel, I have no idea!
The car ride to daycare was not lacking in entertainment, either. Apparently, she managed to get a kazoo inside the vehicle and had no qualms about creating the most interesting, loud, and animated song I've ever heard. I broke out in fits of laughter several times in that 20 minute drive.
Suffice it to say, something happened to my child today. I don't know if it's a coincidence or not, but the only change has been the meds. It doesn't seem as though it's possible, seeing as she's only taken 3 pills so far, but if this is an effect of those . . . it should be an interesting 4 months!!!!
I had gone to pick L up from school, as I do every day. She comes walking out with her classmates and sits on the bench beside me. I stand up to talk to her teacher, inform her about the study that L has entered in to. (She started taking some pills as part of a Fragile X drug trial called STX209.) That's when it all starts . . .
It rained just a little bit this morning, enough to leave small puddles on the sidewalk. I look over and see L jumping around in circles, bounding up in down in a few puddles, with her socks and shoes off. When did she have time to do that!?
I look at her teacher and we both giggle. I look back at L, who has proceeded to walk further down the walk way, and she is pulling her second leg out of her pants.
There's my daughter, standing there in her (oversized, thank goodness) t-shirt and pull-up. No pants. No socks. No shoes. Just bare legs from the hips down.
By this time, tears are running down my face and I am hiding behind a column of bricks because I just can not stop laughing. This is not a time to laugh! That only encourages the behavior. But it's impossible not to, especially for me ;)
One of her teachers is able to bring L back to the porch where she proceeds to attempt to put L's pants back on. L suddenly turns in to a soft pretzel. Legs cross, arms flail like she's made of rubber, body morphs in to a water wigglie, lacking control, even from an outside source. This is about the time I say my quote mentioned above.
It was quite a sight, seeing 3 grown women unable to maneuver this 5 year old child into a position to put on her clothes. She finally gets her pants put back on and takes off down the walk way again. (She's a fast little sucker!)
Since she is not responding to my beckoning, I take off my high heels (what a day to choose to wear a dress and heels, huh? -- yes! I own some!!) and go down to get her. I put my shoes back on and proceed to carry a 39 pound mass of gel that is bent in half, backward, down the steps to my car. How I didn't fall and/or break a heel, I have no idea!
The car ride to daycare was not lacking in entertainment, either. Apparently, she managed to get a kazoo inside the vehicle and had no qualms about creating the most interesting, loud, and animated song I've ever heard. I broke out in fits of laughter several times in that 20 minute drive.
Suffice it to say, something happened to my child today. I don't know if it's a coincidence or not, but the only change has been the meds. It doesn't seem as though it's possible, seeing as she's only taken 3 pills so far, but if this is an effect of those . . . it should be an interesting 4 months!!!!
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